Leveling Up In Public.

I want to say that no one tells you how hard freelancing can be, but the truth is that everyone in freelancing knows it is. Last year I went full time with it. Left a career within hospitality for 15 years and a place of employment of 8… I thought I was a genius and ready to go. I was not. Not even close. But, after all of that. All the lessons, nights awake wondering how I’ll pay my bills, watching friendships unravel over business. I learned so much about this business. Like when to step off the gas and when to put your foot through the proverbial floor and power on.

I see my work evolving again into something different. I’ve had this feeling coming a few times and I’ve shaken it off for that “ME” look. It’s becoming another hybrid of who I was in the beginning and who I am now. I see myself relying less on flash and keeping it more as a guarantee. Granted, flash will always be my love and my confidence.

I’ve started shooting film again, I don’t really know why but it’s back in my portfolio. The part that really sticks in me right now is how much I’ve stopped overthinking shots. Understanding that every shoot is not always going to be better or even an experience builder. Sometimes it’s just doing the job and thats okay. My ego always tells me I have to try harder. But my heart has been telling me to be softer with myself and enjoy that I’m doing something I love and I’m doing it for me.

The late 4th and into mid 1st quarter was brutal last year. It’s why I quit over and over again and went back to waiting tables. Last year I stuck it out and it was with it. Come mid March I was already turning work away. While thats not the case this year, the ebb and flow of it is still similar. Just when I was having that “You should quit now!” feeling. I saw some places talking about their new menus, seasonal spaces opening back up soon, I came up with my own marketing strategy based off a sales job I had in the early 2000s. And then the real blowtorch to the fuse, I got that email. You know the one, the one you weren’t going to answer and did it anyway.

Turns out that the weird email from a PR/Branding firm on the west coast was actually legit. They wanted me for a full rebrand. And within 24 hours I had a contract, deposit, booked 1/2 day shoot for this Friday and locked in and readying a contract for retainer since they have 3 locations.

This is the work I want to be doing. My current retainer is very happy. We have a good working relationship and I’m never less than happy to do more work about it. Adding another and when I needed it the most is a huge bonus. That also puts me only 1 more away from my goal I started this year with.

So while they might tell you about freelancing, and they might tell you the pitfalls. I think it also is massively rewarding know that you sustain your life by doing something you cultivated just for yourself to grow even more. I’ll take the months of self doubt over the quarterly wins. Because I’m already doing better than I was last year.